I love Halloween. Maybe it’s because I watched too many horror movies when I was a kid, but I absolutely adore figuring out new ways to scare unsuspecting trick-or-treaters. (I know, that’s a little demented.) Our annual visit to the local Halloween store has become one of our favorite family traditions, and we spend a ridiculous amount of time there testing all of the latest animated ghouls, zombies, and skeletons to see which ones pass our this-will-make-someone-wet-their-pants test.

It’s weird that one of my favorite holidays should center so much around fear, because I don’t really like to be scared myself. There are definitely things that’ll do it: flying and spiders, for example, reduce me to an incoherent, blubbering puddle faster than you can say arachnophobia (or spell it). Haunted houses are pretty bad, too–those scare the daylights out of me, even the lame ones. The last one I entered when I was in my mid-twenties, and I wound up so hysterical that I had to be escorted out the secret back entrance by a very compassionate but very un-Taylor Lautner-like werewolf. Before he left me, he very helpfully found a paper bag to try to stop my hyperventilation and waited with me for my sister to come out and laugh herself silly at my abject terror.

Yep, fear’s a funny thing–unless you’re the one wetting your pants in the parking lot of a haunted house; then it’s funny and humiliating.

But seriously: In its milder forms, fear can provide a thrill. Do you like roller coasters? I don’t, too close to flying. But I hear some people do, and part of that thrill comes from the exhilarating shiver of fear coursing through you just before you plunge to your death–um, I mean, plunge to the end of the ride. Sorry, got carried away there.

Fear can also be a powerful motivator. Scared of speaking in public? Go and take a class. Afraid of dying young from heart disease? Exercise and maintain a healthy diet. Terrified of flying? Take some lessons. (Yeah, not in this lifetime, pal.)

In its more serious forms, however, fear not only doesn’t thrill or motivate, it prevents you from doing what you want to do. (To be clear, I do not want to fly.)

Publishing Widow Woman, for example, terrified me. There were many, many steps on that journey that involved overcoming serious fears, many times where it would have been easier, would have felt safer, just to give up. From the design, editing, and print vs. e-book decision, straight on through to the marketing and promotion, I’ve been scared every step of the way, right down to the tips of my fuzzy slippers. (And don’t get me started about reading reviews–terrifying.)

So how did I get past it?

The same way that everyone who’s ever chased a dream does: I asked myself what it was that really frightened about me about each step. The answer to that question was the same every time I asked it: I was afraid to fail.

Once I realized that, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. That’s all that’s standing in your way? Fear of failure? This you can manage. And once I understood that was my true fear, the fear began to lessen.

Why? Because everyone fails, at least once in their lives! Some fail small, some fail on a spectacular scale. Some failures are catastrophic, others are merely embarrassing. But if you let that fear keep you from trying, then that is the greatest failure of all, because for the rest of your life, you’ll be haunted by the most terrible ghosts, the ghosts of all that might have been, all that you might have achieved, but didn’t because you were afraid. That’s pretty damned scary.

So often, when we examine our fears more closely, a strange thing happens: They shrink, and we wonder that we were ever so scared of something so small. Suddenly, you realize you have all the courage you ever needed.

Unless you’re talking about a haunted house–I’ve got nothin’ there except for an urgent need for Depends and a cackling sister. For everything else, I’ve got a freaky scary zombie waiting for you in the yard. And I’m not going to tell you where…

Happy Halloween, everyone!