Tag Archives: Halloween

A Halloween Nightmare

[Note: This short story first appeared here in 2009; it was inspired by real events. Happy Halloween, everyone…]

There Is Only Room Here for Myself

He’d spotted me.

His dead shark eyes locked onto me, and in that split second, I knew: I was going to die.

I sprang to my—bare?—feet, running blindly through—through what? What was this building? A hospital? A parking garage? Too dark to see.

Chunks of plaster spit at my face as I rounded a corner; he’d just fired at me from behind. Terror exploded through me, slamming into my body. My bladder released; urine ran down my naked legs.

My wet feet slipped on the tiled floor. I went down hard as another shot roared over my head. I scrabbled toward the door to my left, skidding on my own piss.

I knew before I touched the knob: locked.

I struggled to my knees, to run to the next door—too late.

He was already there.

I couldn’t breathe. My legs were cold. Vomit curdled into my throat.

Please! Please don’t do this!

He raised the gun, stepping closer to where I knelt, shaking. The gun’s mouth seared my skin as he pressed it to my forehead.

I blinked, once.

Please.

He fired.

The world tilted—I was on the floor. It was dark. In the faint light from windows far above, I saw his heels move away from me down the hall. The man was leaving.

How could this be? How was I still alive? Had he missed?

Don’t move. You’re supposed to be dead. Don’t move.

I knew I should remain still, in case he returned, but a maddening curiosity seized hold of me.

Slowly, I began inching my fingers across my forehead, searching for the gaping edge of a wound I knew must be there, but could not, somehow, feel.

I probed.

Slowly.

Wetness.

He must have missed.

Sweat?

I touched my fingertip to my tongue.

Not sweat.

Blood.

I forced my fear aside and walked my fingers slowly up toward my hairline, searching for the hole.

My fingers touched only smoothness, my own skin, slick and cool. Terrified, I pressed on.

And then—

Bone.

Fragments, sticking to my fingertips. A horrifying absence of flesh.

Blood, inexorably pulsing.

I began to scream.

My eyes flew open.

Darkness suffocated me.

My heartbeat shook the bed beneath me—bed?

I lay utterly still, feeling the warmth of my body ebbing away with each frantic heartbeat.

I was frozen in place, waiting for the shark-eyed man to return, too terrified to move.

Surely he would return.

My legs were cold, so cold. I’d never felt such cold before.

I reached a furtive hand down to try to wrap my gown tighter around me. There was fabric under my hand, but thicker, softer—a blanket? My forehead itched; I was afraid to raise my fingers to it.

If I don’t touch it, it’s not real.

A menacing rumble sounded beside me in the dark. I froze again and held my breath, trying to identify the sound over the violent pounding of my own heart.

Sudden movement beside me—

My husband rolled over.

Sharp, painful relief, flooded through my body as it dawned on me at last where I was.

Bed.

My own bed.

Dreaming.

I’d been dreaming.

A nightmare.

I was alive.

Alive!

I cried my reprieve silently into my pillow, waiting for the terror to subside. It did, slowly, and the minutes crept by, silent but for my husband’s heavy breaths. My terror gradually began to fade and take on that particular haze characteristic of all dreams.

I jammed my back against my husband’s chest, burrowing into his arms and wrapping the blanket tightly around us both, grateful for his warmth.

Long minutes passed in the darkness around me; a sense of peace returned. I began to feel warm again, comfortable, drowsy.

I felt the tiny itch again on my forehead, and without thinking, I sleepily raised my fingertips to scratch at it.

I began to scream.

Wetness.

Blood.

Fragments.

The room tilted crazily around me once more.

And then, there were only the cold tiles beneath me, a hole blasted through my flesh and my bone, and the dim vision of the man’s heels, casually retreating down the hall.

And now for something really spooky…

I love Halloween. Maybe it’s because I watched too many horror movies when I was a kid, but I absolutely adore figuring out new ways to scare unsuspecting trick-or-treaters. (I know, that’s a little demented.) Our annual visit to the local Halloween store has become one of our favorite family traditions, and we spend a ridiculous amount of time there testing all of the latest animated ghouls, zombies, and skeletons to see which ones pass our this-will-make-someone-wet-their-pants test.

It’s weird that one of my favorite holidays should center so much around fear, because I don’t really like to be scared myself. There are definitely things that’ll do it: flying and spiders, for example, reduce me to an incoherent, blubbering puddle faster than you can say arachnophobia (or spell it). Haunted houses are pretty bad, too–those scare the daylights out of me, even the lame ones. The last one I entered when I was in my mid-twenties, and I wound up so hysterical that I had to be escorted out the secret back entrance by a very compassionate but very un-Taylor Lautner-like werewolf. Before he left me, he very helpfully found a paper bag to try to stop my hyperventilation and waited with me for my sister to come out and laugh herself silly at my abject terror.

Yep, fear’s a funny thing–unless you’re the one wetting your pants in the parking lot of a haunted house; then it’s funny and humiliating.

But seriously: In its milder forms, fear can provide a thrill. Do you like roller coasters? I don’t, too close to flying. But I hear some people do, and part of that thrill comes from the exhilarating shiver of fear coursing through you just before you plunge to your death–um, I mean, plunge to the end of the ride. Sorry, got carried away there.

Fear can also be a powerful motivator. Scared of speaking in public? Go and take a class. Afraid of dying young from heart disease? Exercise and maintain a healthy diet. Terrified of flying? Take some lessons. (Yeah, not in this lifetime, pal.)

In its more serious forms, however, fear not only doesn’t thrill or motivate, it prevents you from doing what you want to do. (To be clear, I do not want to fly.)

Publishing Widow Woman, for example, terrified me. There were many, many steps on that journey that involved overcoming serious fears, many times where it would have been easier, would have felt safer, just to give up. From the design, editing, and print vs. e-book decision, straight on through to the marketing and promotion, I’ve been scared every step of the way, right down to the tips of my fuzzy slippers. (And don’t get me started about reading reviews–terrifying.)

So how did I get past it?

The same way that everyone who’s ever chased a dream does: I asked myself what it was that really frightened about me about each step. The answer to that question was the same every time I asked it: I was afraid to fail.

Once I realized that, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. That’s all that’s standing in your way? Fear of failure? This you can manage. And once I understood that was my true fear, the fear began to lessen.

Why? Because everyone fails, at least once in their lives! Some fail small, some fail on a spectacular scale. Some failures are catastrophic, others are merely embarrassing. But if you let that fear keep you from trying, then that is the greatest failure of allbecause for the rest of your life, you’ll be haunted by the most terrible ghosts, the ghosts of all that might have been, all that you might have achieved, but didn’t because you were afraid. That’s pretty damned scary.

So often, when we examine our fears more closely, a strange thing happens: They shrink, and we wonder that we were ever so scared of something so small. Suddenly, you realize you have all the courage you ever needed.

Unless you’re talking about a haunted house–I’ve got nothin’ there except for an urgent need for Depends and a cackling sister. For everything else, I’ve got a freaky scary zombie waiting for you in the yard. And I’m not going to tell you where…

Happy Halloween, everyone!