Tag Archives: writing

2012: A Recap

58600_hourglassIt’s officially December now, so it’s safe to start playing Christmas music (although please, not the depressing variety), putting up decorations, and indulging in the traditional, alternately depressing-yet-satisfying hindsight-is-20/20 look back over the year about to end (and maybe the world, if you believe those Mayans).

So grab that mug of eggnog, cozy up in front of the fireplace, and enjoy a look back with me over 2012: It’s been a hell of a ride.

[The following post first appeared January 5, 2012.]

I confess: I’m a technophobe.

Or, perhaps more accurately, I’m techno-resistant, which frustrates my geek husband to no end, poor thing. Up until roughly three years ago, I’d never sent a text, I still did all of my writing longhand on legal pads, and I had no idea how to use a GPS. All right, I still don’t know how to use a GPS.

I used to resist out of fear that I would irreparably harm whatever gadget happened to be at hand by pressing the wrong button, because, as we all know, modern technology always comes with a well-camouflaged but easily-activated self-destruct button.

Now, however, I think I resist because even though, on a rational level, I know there are faster, easier (and cooler) ways to accomplish my goals through the skillful use of technology, spending the time to learn those skills really irritates the crap out of me. And then, by the time I’ve learned them, the technology has already morphed into yet another version, which I then have to learn all over again. I don’t want my phone to do 800 different things; I just want it to make my call, for cryin’ out loud.

Yeah. Not a geek. But I know I need to catch up with the rest of the 21st century, so I am trying, even if I’m ridiculously slow to adopt, which brings me to the subject of today’s post, my recent introduction to the Search and Refine feature in Word as an editing tool.

All right, all of you out there laughing at how backwards I am: off with you! I’m speaking to my people now, those who still fight the persistent fear that they can make their laptops explode just by pressing Ctrl + Alt + Delete one too many times. (You can’t, by the way. I checked it out.)

As you may remember from my last post, I recently started working with an editor, hereafter referred to as “C.” Just like “Q.” and “M.” in the Bond movies, she’s fun to work with but she uses fewer pyrotechnics. C. is helping me prepare my manuscript for publication this year. When I first met with her last spring, she recommended I read the book Write in Style, by Bobbie Christmas. I gamely purchased a copy, read the subtitle, “Using Your Word Processor and Other Techniques to Improve Your Writing,” and promptly buried the book under a stack of files on my desk. Word processor. Harumph.

The book remained buried until I sent C. my first 5 chapters. She inquired if I had used the Search and Replace feature on my manuscript yet, (referred to in said book). Of course I hadn’t; that would’ve involved learning what those other buttons on “the ribbon” do. [Who names these things, anyway?]

C., who probably had me pegged from the start as a techno-resistant arse, appealed to my practical side instead. She suggested that if I used that technique before having her make her first editing pass, it would save me money, since I wouldn’t be paying her to make all those refinements. Moved by her gesture of self-sacrifice, I plugged my nose and decided to give it a shot.

C. provided me with a list of overly used words that she regularly sees in her work, and I set out to search the first 5 chapters of my manuscript for those awful offenders. I was skeptical (after all, my work is perfect as is), but as I searched, and discovered, offender after offender, my attitude soon changed.

I found instance after instance of those pesky little words—words like “only,” “just,” and, the mother of all offenders with 224 appearances, “so.” In all fairness to me, however, the search did turn up “so” not only when it stood alone, but also when it appeared within other words and expressions, like “masochist,” “sophist,” and “son of a b—.”

My reactions as I searched and replaced veered from “Holy cow, what was I thinking when I wrote that?” to “What was I drinking then?” and, on at least one occasion, “Clearly, I wasn’t drinking enough!”

When I finally finished the process (and keep in mind, this was just the first 5 chapters), I was broken, a shell of my smug former self—and a true convert. When I read back over those 5 chapters, the difference shocked me. It wasn’t just better; it was radically, drastically better, and I felt like an idiot for not having used the feature sooner.

Thank you, Peanut Gallery, for not providing confirmation.

My point to all of this?  I have learned that technology is not the enemy.

Wait. No, I still kind of think that.

How about…the enemy and I have called a truce? My fellow techno-resistant lambs, if you don’t yet use the Search and Refine feature in your writing and editing, it’s a superb tool for showing you where every little weakness in your work is hiding. It can’t fix them for you, you still have to put in that work yourself, but it pinpoints them in a fast, easy way that makes the revision process so efficient, you wonder (as with most technology), how you survived before you discovered it.

So thanks, C., for the suggestion—I’m setting off on my next Search and Refine mission now with the next 5 chapters, and feeling like a Lean, Mean, Writing Machine.

Oh, wait—you’re right, I did gain some weight over the holiday. Guess I’ll have to settle for Mean Writing Machine now instead.

Things That Make You Go Argh!

Let’s talk about mistakes today. We all make them. No matter how we might try to convince ourselves, or those around us, of the contrary, every single man, woman, and child on this blessed planet has made, is possibly making at this moment, and will continue to make, mistakes. Some are big; some are small. Some are stupid; some are careless. Some arise from haste; some arise from a surplus of trust. But we all make them. The difference in how a mistake affects us, however, is determined largely by how we handle it.

One of my favorite mistake-handling moments comes from The Lion King’s Rafiki, bludgeoning Simba with his staff to illustrate his personal take on mistakes (the clip talks about the past, but you get the point): We can either run from mistakes—wham!—or we can learn from them. Lesson: Get hit hard enough, you learn how to duck.

I’ll repeat that, in case you missed it:

Don’t run from your mistakes; learn from them.

Owning up to making a mistake is a tough thing to do. That’s why so many of us tend to run away instead, try to hide the fact that we goofed up, did something wrong. We blame others—any available scapegoat we can find to avoid shouldering that blame ourselves. All too often, the only thing all that responsibility-dodging does is make matters exponentially worse than they would’ve been if we would’ve just admitted to having screwed up, right from the start.

Don’t believe me? Think about the last five or six political scandals—how much more would you have respected those individuals if they would’ve just come clean at the start, said, “Hey, I really messed up. I don’t know what I was thinking, but whatever it was, it was stupid. I am sorry I did it, and I will take the full consequences of my actions.” Wow, politicians behaving honorably in the face of a jumbo, career-destroying screw-up? Yeah, I know—you can tell I write fiction, can’t you?

Well, I’m not a politician. I’m a human being, just like everybody else on the planet, prone to mistakes and missteps. I do try to learn from them, though, to take setbacks and turn them into learning opportunities. Even if the learning took place too late to help me, at least I can use that knowledge to help other people avoid making the same mistakes.

The roughly two weeks since the launch party for Widow Woman have been full of excitement, revelations, and, to be frank, mistakes. There aren’t many things I feel I would do differently, but there are a few. Publishing a book is a crazy, tough journey, and I know that the days and months ahead are going to bring more revelations and probably uncover more mistakes I made. But I’m only human, I’m learning as I go along, and I will happily share those lessons with others out there hoping for a smoother ride.

In the meantime, let me pass along something my wonderful husband shared with me when I bumped face-to-face into one of those mistakes (Errors in my book; fixes on the horizon, but not there yet. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Mine to catch and I missed them.). Without skipping a beat, he reminded me that one of the identifying features that makes a first edition of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby so priceless is the presence of mistakes that were corrected in subsequent editions.

Yeah, that’s right. Those first editions are valuable because the mistakes are there.

Now, I would never, ever, ever, put myself in the same class as Fitzgerald, but I have to admit, I found the notion that we had first-edition mistakes in common extraordinarily comforting.

After all, we’re all first editions, aren’t we?

Houston, we have lift-off!

It’s been three days since the launch event for Widow Woman, and I’m still walking on air! It exceeded my expectations on so many levels, and I’m tremendously grateful to the wonderful folks who turned out to celebrate with me the release of my debut novel.

Here are a few pictures; watch for more to come!

Book Marketing for Ninjas and the Unscrupulous

Back in my starving college student days, I worked several jobs to try to stay afloat, one of which was to sell cutlery. Wait, let me correct that: I attempted to sell cutlery. I wasn’t very good at it. It wasn’t that the knives weren’t great—they were! I just wasn’t a very good salesman.

I was blessed to have some kind and compassionate family members and friends who tolerated my sales presentations—remember how cool it was seeing me cut a penny in half with those kitchen shears? *crickets chirping*

Okay, maybe I was the only one who thought that was cool.

Anyway, times have changed. I no longer sell knives, which is a good thing; now I’m selling books. My book, Widow Woman, to be specific.

Like most writers, I’m uncomfortable with the selling part of things. Just for the next few days, until the launch is over, I wish I weren’t so uncomfortable with it. I watch other authors out there with their constant barrages of emails, tweets, giveaways, FB posts—and I’m doing those things, too—but it just feels…icky.

I know, necessary evil and all. Maybe that’s the problem: is there a component of evil to sales that I just don’t possess? Do I need to be a little less scrupulous and just SELL, SELL, SELL!!!

If I were a ninja, it’d be so much easier.

First, I’d get to wear a mask, which is always cool.

Second, I could strike with my marketing weapons (geez, I wish I had some!) in the dead of night, silent and stealthy—you’d never even know you’d been pitched!

You, unsuspecting reader, would simply wake up in the morning with an unaccountable and burning desire to purchase Widow Woman from Amazon. You’d open up your Twitter account and follow me, then retweet my last 10 tweets, even the ones about my dog, to every one of your followers. You’d like the Widow Woman Facebook page, even if you’re not one of those creepy men I had to delete last week who were looking for vulnerable female companionship. You’d visit www.authorgraph.com to request my digital autograph so many times I’d have to block you as a stalker. You’d copy the QR code from my sell sheet,” accidentally” save it as “Kids’ 2012 Xmas Pictures,” and send it to everyone in your contacts list. You’d work the words “Julia Tagliere,” “Widow Woman,” andWidow Woman book trailer” into your blog post and have no idea how they got there, especially since this week, your post was about the proper method for brining a turkey. Deteriorating rapidly, you’d follow me on Pinterest, then post amusing images of yourself reading Widow Woman in bizarre locations all over the world. Down to the last bat in your belfry, you’d download the FREE Kindle app to your phone, your PC, your Mac, your iPad, and your iPod simultaneously, go crazy trying to sync your read-to page on all your devices, and have to be transported in a straitjacket to a residential facility for internet addiction!

Whew!

Guess it’s a good thing I’m not a ninja.

Happy Launch Day tomorrow, and Happy I Love to Write Day, too!

A Halloween Nightmare

[Note: This short story first appeared here in 2009; it was inspired by real events. Happy Halloween, everyone…]

There Is Only Room Here for Myself

He’d spotted me.

His dead shark eyes locked onto me, and in that split second, I knew: I was going to die.

I sprang to my—bare?—feet, running blindly through—through what? What was this building? A hospital? A parking garage? Too dark to see.

Chunks of plaster spit at my face as I rounded a corner; he’d just fired at me from behind. Terror exploded through me, slamming into my body. My bladder released; urine ran down my naked legs.

My wet feet slipped on the tiled floor. I went down hard as another shot roared over my head. I scrabbled toward the door to my left, skidding on my own piss.

I knew before I touched the knob: locked.

I struggled to my knees, to run to the next door—too late.

He was already there.

I couldn’t breathe. My legs were cold. Vomit curdled into my throat.

Please! Please don’t do this!

He raised the gun, stepping closer to where I knelt, shaking. The gun’s mouth seared my skin as he pressed it to my forehead.

I blinked, once.

Please.

He fired.

The world tilted—I was on the floor. It was dark. In the faint light from windows far above, I saw his heels move away from me down the hall. The man was leaving.

How could this be? How was I still alive? Had he missed?

Don’t move. You’re supposed to be dead. Don’t move.

I knew I should remain still, in case he returned, but a maddening curiosity seized hold of me.

Slowly, I began inching my fingers across my forehead, searching for the gaping edge of a wound I knew must be there, but could not, somehow, feel.

I probed.

Slowly.

Wetness.

He must have missed.

Sweat?

I touched my fingertip to my tongue.

Not sweat.

Blood.

I forced my fear aside and walked my fingers slowly up toward my hairline, searching for the hole.

My fingers touched only smoothness, my own skin, slick and cool. Terrified, I pressed on.

And then—

Bone.

Fragments, sticking to my fingertips. A horrifying absence of flesh.

Blood, inexorably pulsing.

I began to scream.

My eyes flew open.

Darkness suffocated me.

My heartbeat shook the bed beneath me—bed?

I lay utterly still, feeling the warmth of my body ebbing away with each frantic heartbeat.

I was frozen in place, waiting for the shark-eyed man to return, too terrified to move.

Surely he would return.

My legs were cold, so cold. I’d never felt such cold before.

I reached a furtive hand down to try to wrap my gown tighter around me. There was fabric under my hand, but thicker, softer—a blanket? My forehead itched; I was afraid to raise my fingers to it.

If I don’t touch it, it’s not real.

A menacing rumble sounded beside me in the dark. I froze again and held my breath, trying to identify the sound over the violent pounding of my own heart.

Sudden movement beside me—

My husband rolled over.

Sharp, painful relief, flooded through my body as it dawned on me at last where I was.

Bed.

My own bed.

Dreaming.

I’d been dreaming.

A nightmare.

I was alive.

Alive!

I cried my reprieve silently into my pillow, waiting for the terror to subside. It did, slowly, and the minutes crept by, silent but for my husband’s heavy breaths. My terror gradually began to fade and take on that particular haze characteristic of all dreams.

I jammed my back against my husband’s chest, burrowing into his arms and wrapping the blanket tightly around us both, grateful for his warmth.

Long minutes passed in the darkness around me; a sense of peace returned. I began to feel warm again, comfortable, drowsy.

I felt the tiny itch again on my forehead, and without thinking, I sleepily raised my fingertips to scratch at it.

I began to scream.

Wetness.

Blood.

Fragments.

The room tilted crazily around me once more.

And then, there were only the cold tiles beneath me, a hole blasted through my flesh and my bone, and the dim vision of the man’s heels, casually retreating down the hall.