I hate a cliff-hanger that drags on too long as much as the next person, so let me relieve the suspense for you: I did, in fact, get the job offer.

I did not, in fact, accept it.

What?! I know, I know–crazy. It was a desirable job, to be sure, and the salary and benefits were better than I would’ve hoped for, especially for my chronically underpaid field. The people I met were uniformly kind, offices looked good. So why did I turn it down?

Well, the commute would’ve been lousy, for a start: with no traffic whatsoever, it was 40 minutes. Given that I would never be driving at times of day without traffic, that means I’d be looking at a real-time commute of closer to an hour. That commute really jacked up my need for greater flexibility, something with which they seemed to struggle. When we factored in traffic, sick/vacation days allowed, wear and tear on the car, impact on the kids should there be an emergency–well, even though it was a fair and reasonable offer, for a position I really, really wanted to accept, the cold, hard reality of our situation was that we just could not make it work for our family. I have to give them credit, I think they really tried to meet my needs–but their hands were tied just as tightly as my own. Fooey.

So, back to the drawing board. If nothing else, the process of interviewing and getting an offer, of trying to hammer out what the “right” job situation would be for me, revealed to me that I am, in my heart of hearts, ready to get back out there. It was intensely disappointing to have to walk away from what looked like The Right Opportunity (even though it was housed in the wrong city for me…); I was really surprised by that. And of course, there’s no discounting the fear involved in turning Opportunity away at the door, especially when you feel like she’s kept you waiting far too long as it is. Your brain kicks into high alert, battering away at your soul with questions like “Oh, my gosh, will anyone ever make me a job offer again?” and “Will those good people blacklist me now, since I walked away from a decent offer?” and “Hmm, which pajamas should I wear to the office today?” (Well, given the temps outside this week, I at least have an answer to that last one: my plush fleece ones, of course–you know, the ones that make me look like a giant pink Teletubby.)

Okay, I have to admit–I would’ve missed working in those…