Tag Archives: Gay Rights

Cover Story

Widow-Woman-Kindlesized“You can’t judge a book by its cover.” We’ve all heard that expression, but unfortunately, for e-books, the cover may be as far as some potential readers ever get. If you can’t hook them with that, you may not have a chance to hook them at all.

I’m as guilty as the next reader. Over the holidays, I had a bounty of unexpected reading time. But when I scanned the covers on Amazon , nothing new caught my eye; I wound up rereading Gillian Flynn and Stieg Larsson instead. Maybe it was the flu; maybe it was the covers.

I had dandelions in mind for my cover from the very first draft of Widow Woman, when I wrote the following passage:

I realized how much I’d romanticized the concept of scattering Mom’s ashes: I’d envisioned her floating off into the sapphire sky, dissipating on the breeze, like a dandelion gone to seed.

Initially, it just seemed like a beautiful, wistful, sad image, a reminder of how fragile and ephemeral life can be. In a book that deals so much with death, it seemed like a fitting image.

But as the book began to take shape, another purpose for the use of the dandelion image began coalescing in my mind, a purpose I didn’t fully understand or articulate until I was already asking my trusted beta readers for feedback on the initial design.

One of them was blunt.

“Are you sure you want dandelions on your cover? I mean, you do realize they’re weeds, right?”

It was a legitimate question. Why were those stupid weeds calling to me so insistently? There had to be more to this than even I realized, and as I wrestled with a response for my very candid friend, I found I’d had the answer in my heart all along. Here is an excerpt of my actual response to her:

“Re [dandelion cover] concept–yes, dandelions are often thought of as weeds, but being gay has also historically been seen as something pernicious, to be weeded out. [Reading a fascinating book, Flagrant Conduct by Dale Carpenter; the first few chapters are a history of public opinion and the evolution of the law regarding homosexuality in the U.S. and specifically, in Texas. Incredible.]

Yet, for all that weed talk, dandelions are colorful, hardy, fragrant, even make great tea. But even if people are often quick to agree in principle with those assertions, they may still say “Sure, but not in my yard!” I think it’s a pretty good parallel for showing that whether you think something is good or bad, right or wrong, desirable or detested depends very much on where you’re standing. I just want people to start thinking…to plant a seed.”

That was all the response my friend required; dandelions it would be.

Yet even with the decision settled, I couldn’t stop thinking about them: dandelion images and reflections continued to pour into my brain.

How many mothers have received a dandelion bouquet clutched in a child’s plump little hand? Have any roses or orchids or gardenias ever smelled sweeter? And what of the stains the stems left on their tiny fingers—no amount of scrubbing seems to fade them, a days-long reminder of the love between mother and child.

Think of the anger, effort, and expense the battle to rid lawns of dandelions generates each year, the toxic chemicals and specialized dandelion tools that resemble medieval instruments of torture—all to eliminate something that our culture has randomly decided is bad, is wrong.

I don’t want to come off as some sort of hypocrite, so in the case of full disclosure, I confess: I, too, have used some of those chemicals and I’ve used some of those tools to try to get my own lawn to a dandelion-free state, one that conforms to society’s image of a well-kept home.

But—I’ve also tickled my children’s chins with dandelion blooms, just to see the golden glow on their skin. I’ve crawled around my yard with my children, searching for the perfect dandelion gone to seed. We’ve picked them carefully together, with tender care, so as not to disturb a single seed. We’ve squeezed our eyes tight, our faces to the sun, and made wishes as we blew those seeds into the breeze.

Our whimsical afternoons likely cancelled out the effect of any chemicals or tools employed (a fact which I’m sure did not escape our neighbors’ notice). But would I trade those magical moments for a pristine, spotlessly green lawn? Not for anything in the world.

How could something that brings so much beauty and such simple, sweet happiness, even if it’s not considered conventionally beautiful, or right, by our culture at large, be wrong?

As you look at my cover, that is my question, as you read Widow Woman, it is the seed I hope to plant in your mind.

Where do you stand?

dandelions cropped

 

Election Day 2012: I Am More Than My Vote

Red. Blue. Conservative. Liberal. Republican. Democrat. Hippie freak. Capitalist pig. Gay lover. Woman hater. More than in any other election I can remember in my lifetime, our votes in this election are increasingly defining us, defining our ideals, our morality—our very identity.

And I am afraid.

Not to vote—too many brave men and women have given their all throughout our history to give me that right, and I will always exercise it, soberly, thoughtfully, and proudly.

What scares me is that in today’s environment, people are so very swift to make instant, blanket assumptions about who you are as a person because of the candidate for whom you vote.

My children are learning about the election process in school. When one of them ventured to declare a hesitant preference for Romney in a class discussion, a classmate snapped, “Wow, you must hate gay people!” Another overheard a student in the hall say, “You’re only supporting Obama because he’s black.” Yes, even children are jumping on the assumption bandwagon, which is to be expected to some extent–they’re kids, right? They’re not expected to have a deep understanding of all of the election issues or the candidates’ positions. But it begs the question, where are they learning to make these deeply political assumptions?

This year, our electoral process has boiled down, as it often does, to just two main choices. It’s true, there are others, but let’s be realistic here: how many can you name?

Like it or not, for all intents and purposes, we have just two candidates from whom to choose. That’s it. With all of the thorny, complicated, heart-wrenching issues facing our country today, does anyone really believe that one or the other candidate is a 100% fit for solving all of them? Of course not. But in this hyper-polarized environment we’ve created over the last decade or so, if you vote for one candidate because of his position on a specific set of issues, it automatically means that not only do you not care about the other issues, but you are actively against them. Why would anyone want to share their choice in this charged atmosphere?

I don’t think there are as many undecided voters out there today as people believe. I think what’s more likely is that there are a number of voters out there who have made a decision, but who hesitate to make it public because of the unfair assumptions that will be made as a result. We are not Undecided; we are Uneasy.

If I told you I was voting for Obama, might you make an assumption that I’m for universal health care and raising taxes on the wealthy? Yep. If I told you I was voting for Romney, might you make the assumption that I’m pro-life and anti-gay? Yep. Those are all potential assumptions.

But—and this is what people are forgetting in their sprints to judgment—what if I agree with both candidates on some things, but strongly disagree with them on others? What if I’m such a strange blend of fiscal conservatism and social liberalism that neither candidate truly represents me? I still have to choose one, don’t I? If I choose one candidate, I’ll be vilified for being an anti-gay, anti-poor, misogynistic, capitalist pig. If I choose the other, I’ll be slammed for being a spendthrift, tax-happy, anti-business, socialist pig. I can’t win; therefore, I am silent. But that does not mean that I am Undecided.

I have a choice to make, and I will do the best I can to make it, as I always do, soberly, thoughtfully, and with what I feel are the best interests of my country as a whole in mind, not my own personal interests. But I ask that everyone, today and every day for the next four years, try to remember that neither candidate will ever be a perfect fit for every voter’s beliefs, and that making assumptions about a person’s character, morality, and values based upon such a difficult and limited choice is unfair. Give people credit for being more than just their votes—we can choose one candidate without it meaning that we support everything that they espouse. We have to; otherwise, who would ever vote?

I tried to explain it to my children this way: I hate both squash and tomatoes. If that were all that was left in the world to eat, I’d have to choose one or die of starvation. Choosing one in that situation doesn’t mean I like it— it means it’s the only choice I have, so I just have to suck it up and choose.

Red. Blue. Conservative. Liberal. Republican. Democrat.

Squash. Tomatoes.

I am more than my vote.