Tag Archives: editor

An Unlikely Muse…

 Two rings and a rock. That’s what the box that arrived in my mail last week contained. Specifically, two turquoise rings and a geode. For those of you who are not fascinated by geology, a geode is not just any old rock, but a very special kind of rock.

In their unbroken state, geodes are pretty unremarkable, resembling dirty snowballs more than anything. But their true wonder lies hidden inside: break a geode open, and you are confronted by sheer beauty, as their interiors are crystalline and streaked with wondrous colors.

There was no note or letter inside the box, but I knew immediately upon seeing them the origin of the items inside–they were sent by (get ready, complicated family ties ahead) the niece of Ann, my grandmother’s best friend.

I knew they weren’t sent by Ann herself, as her niece had informed me several months ago of Ann’s passing, an event I mourned, even though it had been more than two decades since I had last seen Ann in person.

She was a remarkable lady, spending a great deal of time with my mother, my siblings, and me. It was she who gave me and my sisters our awful (and now laughable) bowl haircuts; who gave me a new stuffed Winnie-the-Pooh every year of my childhood; and who took me and my sister to the rock shows (not concerts, folks, think geology here) where we were first introduced to the geode.

I often think that Ann was a stand-in for us kids for her dear friend, my grandmother, who passed away when I was only four years old. Ann certainly felt like a grandmother to me, anyway. Even after she moved away, we still stayed in touch via phone calls, letters, and a yearly holiday greeting card.

It was important to me to maintain those connections with her, to share with her all of the important events of my life–my college graduation, my first teaching job, my marriage, the unexpected death of my mother, the births of my three children, all the “biggies.” And when I began to pursue writing, I shared that with her, too, not knowing what her reaction might be. She’d always chided me forcefully on my lack of interest in becoming a mathematician (stop laughing–the woman thought there was nothing I couldn’t do if I only put my mind to it), so I wasn’t sure if she’d agree with my formal decision to pursue the literary arts.

She surprised me, though, as she often did: “Well, it’s about time,” she said. “Your grandmother wrote, your mother wrote, your brother writes, and you’re a gifted writer, too, always have been. I was surprised you went into teaching. It’s about time you figured it out.” She could’ve knocked me over with a feather.

That was several years ago. I’ve been writing steadily ever since, continuing to work at something Ann clearly thought I was meant to do. But when you’re pursuing a dream, doubts come with the territory, and I’ve had my share of those (as you know, if you’re a regular reader). I’ve been having some doubts lately, as I undertook the latest revision of my book (the one I’m going to send to my editor for help when it’s completed).

I did a lot of thinking, a lot of soft writing, and nothing really seemed to break. And then, the box arrived, with a geode and two rings, both of which had belonged to Ann.

I lifted the geode from the box, running my fingers along the rough edges of its crusty exterior. Then I turned it over, and gazed in wonder at the crystals lining the cut side of this miraculous rock.

And it hit me. Like a rock. I don’t know what to call it, inspiration, a divine spark–I don’t know, but with the weight of that rock in my hand, I was ready to write, all doubts were gone.

In life, Ann always reminded me a little bit of the geodes that fascinate and enchant me still–unassuming, deceptively rough around the edges, not particularly interested in appearances. But her soul, the person she was, was incredible–bright, sparkling, and inspiring. She’s my muse now, and I keep her rock next to me as I write. I hope to do it justice someday.

Thank you, Ann.

Sometimes you have to open that window yourself…

Well, it’s been a couple of weeks now, and I’ve moved on. This time around, I had a plan in mind already for things I would do in case it wasn’t grad school again this fall, and having a backup plan has made things a lot easier.

So what am I up to now? Well, on the novel front (which I am still working on, thank you very much), I’ve decided, at least for now, not to go with the mentoring press. Number one, it was much too expensive (at least, too expensive unless I win the grant I applied for–I’ll save that for another blog post), and number two, after having a small, trusted group of terrific readers vet it for me, I realized (again) that the book is just not ready yet.

That realization, I think, was more depressing than being rejected for grad school again, but I’m getting smarter about never jumping out of these metaphorical planes without a parachute firmly strapped to my back. I had a plan already in place–it’s time to see a doctor. Not a psychiatrist, though that probably wouldn’t hurt. No, I have met with a “book doctor,” because this physician just can’t heal herself (or her manuscript) at this point.

I was worried about going down that path–after all, I’m an editor, shouldn’t I be able to do this myself? Um, can a brain surgeon perform his own lobotomy? Helloooo! No, he can’t, and at this point, I know I need another (professional) set of eyes.

Any concerns I had turned out to be fleeting: in a single meeting with this editor, she was able to tease out the one tiny thread holding together a huge Gordian knot that’s been wreaking all kinds of havoc with this manuscript, and I am ready to set it on fire now (figuratively, not literally–are you nuts? It does need work, but I wouldn’t actually burn the darned thing)! What I really mean to say is that I am on fire, filled with renewed enthusiasm for my story, something that’s been missing for several months, so at least for the moment, I feel like I’m back on the right track.

Embarking on another revision is daunting, but I think this will be the one. No, I’m sure it will be, actually, because after I finish the revision, and my editor works it over to her satisfaction, I will declare that it IS DONE and then I plan to publish it as an e-book. I will definitely let you know when it goes live, but first, I’ve got some work to do, and I’m actually excited about it for the first time in months–a very good sign.

On the work side of things, I am giving my freelancing business face a makeover: Stretching my fledgling graphic design wings, I’m working on a new logo, corporate name, web site, getting everything all shiny and updated for a launch later this spring (good to know that tuition wasn’t wasted, at least), so keep your eyes posted for lots of updates about that.

I guess the real bottom line for today’s post is that a lot of doors slammed shut in my face over the past few weeks, and I wasn’t seeing any windows flying open, either. Just giving up and walking away might’ve been the easier (and perhaps saner) thing to do, but whoever realized their dreams by being sane and taking the easy route?