The incredible thing about that title is that for the last decade I’ve been ridiculously lucky enough to have the choice: I’ve been able to choose to be at home raising my kids, with the exception of one brief interlude when our oldest was tiny, since the days they first came into the world. It has been a true blessing, this gift of unlimited time with them (although I must confess, there were some days over the past ten years when I questioned just how much more blessing I could withstand).

But–I had my first “real” job interview in years yesterday, and I felt it went well. So now, I’m finding myself asking that question. I’m not sure where it all will lead at this point–could be that I only thought I did well, but in reality bombed it, and nothing will come of it. Could be I’ll get called in for an additional interview. Or it could be that I’ll pass Go, collect my two hundred dollars, and head straight for an actual job offer.

Many friends, and my husband, have asked me how I feel right now. Honestly? I’m excited, more than I thought I would be, at the prospect of returning to work; I thought I’d be wrestling with a lot more guilt at even contemplating leaving my “babies” than I am–which makes me feel really guilty. Go figure.

What’s driving this desire, I wonder to myself? To most others out there, I’m sure the news of me interviewing at all came as a surprise–I’ve been home for so long that my presence around the house and at all of my children’s school functions, sporting events, and field trips has become an expectation, it’s the status quo. Am I really prepared to give up that unique freedom I’ve enjoyed, that I can always be there for them, because my schedule is totally flexible?

I have been trying to analyze my exuberant reaction to being called for the interview, and I still haven’t been able to place it. It wasn’t a sudden thing, to be sure–in my head, I think I’ve been gearing up for the move back to “the real world” (one sans field trips, volunteering, and weekly morning coffees with my girlfriends) for a couple of years now, at least. When we had talked about it over the years, my husband and I had always said that once the kids were all in school, that’d be the time to get back on the horse.

So–I had the interview, and I thought it went well. Now, of course, comes the bit at which I’m really terrible: waiting for news. What will it be? And what will I say?

Either way, the question will soon be answered, I guess.