Okay, so I finished The Inferno yesterday, and I was shocked, shocked, I tell you, to discover that, according to Dante, the lowest level of Hell (where one would think things would be hottest) is actually a vast, glacial wasteland where the damned are eternally frozen (makes one wonder if Dante had traveled to Minnesota while he was writing…) Imagine: Hell is cold! That scuttles my backup plan for spring break, I guess…

Obviously, Hell is still on my mind today (why not? It’s just as cold here as the way Dante described it there). I find myself thinking about the various punishments he assigned for different types of wrongdoing. Often, he made the punishment “fit the crime”, something I try to do with my kids, though in far less graphic and vile fashion.

Today, though, I am wondering if, in between all those vast and deep and unending Circles of Hell, Dante shouldn’t have tucked in an occasional minor Ledge of Extreme Irritation or Inconvenience, for just your average Joe. The day I’ve been having today has filled my mind with suggestions for the Pit of Eternal Aggravation:

A typical day in that pit might look like this (and then lather, rinse, and repeat):

Lose keys in snow, twice

Cell phone inexplicably dies

Spill coffee all over white coat

Hit every red light, all 20 of them, en route to next pit of hell

Slip and fall in icy [Of course it’s icy! It’s Hell!] parking lot

Fire alarm evacuates demon class;  forget to save project before fleeing nonexistent flames of Hell

Zip one’s own hair into the lining of one’s coat

Caffeine withdrawal

Pet fish finally dies, joining Satan on ice

I could go on, but I’m afraid to–it’s just been one of those days…

Perhaps Purgatory is a bit warmer…