I’m trying. I’m really trying. I know that I should stop obsessing about the acceptance/rejection letter that I almost certainly will receive sometime this week from grad school (Come on, already! You said “mid-March”! Isn’t the 8th close enough?)

I know I’m obsessing. I woke up this morning, and the first thing that popped into my head was the fact that today was March 8th; the second was that it’s now Monday, and a mail delivery day (Wait a minute–is it? Is there some obscure postal holiday I don’t know about? What if there isn’t mail delivery today? I better go check the calendar. And while I’m at it, let me run outside in my pajamas to check that the numbers on my house and mailbox are still readable from the street–wouldn’t want any mistakes on this delivery!)

Sigh. This thing is sitting on my chest like the proverbial 500-pound gorilla. I want to stop thinking about it, but I can’t. After I talked myself back into bed this morning, I lay in bed thinking about the blog entry I wrote last year when I was not accepted, and thinking about what adjustments I would make this year. You see, that’s why this gorilla is so heavy–he carries the weight of a past rejection in his giant, thundering carcass, making it impossible for me to breathe in any hope whatsoever, so this morning, after watching a glittering evening of breathless, teary-eyed acceptance speeches from the Oscars, I lay in bed composing my rejection blog–again.

The waiting goes on. I know it’s almost over, and for better or for worse, the gorilla will be departing sometime soon (I hope–what if mid-March really means late March? Early April? or Gasp! while I’m on vacation and the mail’s on hold? Would they give my spot away?)

Oh, God, Magilla, would you stop bouncing, please? I think I’m going to throw up.