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Gearing up for the holidays…

I have been writing like a fiend for the past week, and it feels so good. I know that next week, and next month, I’ll be treated with the blessing of my children’s company, as they are out of school for the holidays, so my writing time will be at a premium.

I am churning out articles at a pretty quick clip, but am hoping I’ll run out of [paying] source material soon (isn’t that a terrible thing to wish?] so that I will be forced to resume work on my novel, which has been languishing in my C drive for weeks now.

That is really frustrating, because the one reader to whom I showed it had a miraculously positive reaction to it, and I am eager to get back to it.

So for today, just a brief update, and the sharing of something I wrote last year for the Professional Editors Network newsletter. I’m dedicating it to all you writers out there. Keep the faith!

‘Twas the cusp of the holidays

And all through the house

One lone figure was stirring

But this was no mouse

Her fingers danced over the keyboard with care

In hopes of crafting a masterpiece there

Her children were finally upstairs, all in bed

While Mom set to paper the dreams in her head

With her coffee grown cold

And a blanket in her lap

Mom was struggling in vain

With the writer’s great trap

For from her stilled keyboard

Came no further clatter

Writer’s block, she knew,

Was the heart of the matter

Away to the window she flew like a flash

Feeling inspiration nose-dive with a crash

The glow from her monitor lit up the room

Imparting a lustre of frustration and gloom

When what to her wondering eyes should appear

But a miniature sleigh, all laden with gear

With a spry little driver, so lively and quick

Great Heavens, she thought, could this be St. Nick?

Swifter than rejection letters his reindeer they came

And the dapper little man called each by name

“Now, Character Development! Now, Tone, Voice, and Diction!

On Dialogue, Plot, Word-Choice, and Great Fiction!

To this stumped writer’s keyboard, at the end of the hall!

Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!”

As writing professors with their red pens do fly

When they tear through a term paper offending their eye,

So straight to her manuscript the proofers they flew

With their sleigh full of gear and St. Nicholas, too

And then, his hooves clattering, Dialogue muttered “Oof,

If I’d written this tripe, I’d leap from the roof!”

Nick spoke not a word, but joined his proofers at work.

“Don’t mind Dialogue,” he whispered, “Sometimes he’s a jerk.”

The Writer withdrew to a spot in the back

Watching the reindeers clackety-clack.

Nick wore a tweed sportcoat, with natty, patched elbows

Enormous bifocals perched high on his nose

His fingers were tarnished with toner and ink

He turned with a smile, gave the Writer a wink

His eyes, how they raced through her work at top speed

His fingers dexterously doing the deed

His brow, how it furrowed at each troublesome ‘graf

“I’m sorry, “the Writer said, “It’s just my first draft.”

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave her to know she had nothing to dread.

“All that this manuscript needs, my dear,

Is a little attention, here, here, and here.”

He edited each page, worked the dialogue over

As his cloven-hoofed proofers munched on some clover

From his sleigh Nick fetched thesaurus and a dictionary

And when at last he was done, his face looked quite merry

“I think if you’ll read the feedback I’ve left,

You will find the suggestions I’ve made are quite deft.

Keep up the good work, and don’t lose your hope.

This is good, but now get some sleep, you big dope!

Like a good stew, your manuscript should simmer;

Have some holiday cheer, go out to dinner.

The longer you stare at it, the harder it is;

You must wait out Writer’s Block—that’s just part of the biz.”

And handing her the new Chicago Manual of Style,

He said “Happy Holidays!” and turned with a smile.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle

They departed her office with the speed of a missile.

But she heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight

“Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good write!”

Searching for my rhythm

Well, I just completed and submitted another article. It felt so good to lose myself in my writing for a couple of hours this afternoon. The last week or so has been so very full of doing for others (babysitting, family visits, concerts, Halloween events, veterinarian appointments) that the only writing I’ve done in the past week consisted of my midterm exam in my Graphic Design class and my graduate school admissions essays. The midterm exam was scantron, and the graduate school essays were, for me, fraught with peril–they only served to remind me of my failure to be accepted last year.

However, if I have learned anything these past few years of writing, it is that it is not a swift process nor for those who lack persistence. So, I did for others all last week and part of this; filled in the bubbles on my midterm; and painstakingly crafted what I thought were my best possible chances for grad school acceptance. (Just as with publishers, who often make writers wait three to six months before finding out their fates, the university will not be giving me any immediate gratification–I will not know until deep into the winter of 2010.)

So today, I finally sat back down and wrote something that was, sort of, just for me. It wasn’t work on my novel, but it was work on an article on a topic of my choosing (puppies). It was more fun to write than my essays, more challenging to research than my midterm, but not as thrilling as working on my own stuff.

Now that I’ve put at least one article to bed this week, after a long hiatus, perhaps next week, I’ll get back to the work of my dreams.

Life with my new writing partner

5:00 a.m. Let Loki out.

5:10 a.m. Cleaned up Loki pee in foyer.

5:30 a.m. Played with Loki.

7:15 a.m. Woke up from nap on the floor next to Loki. Spent next hour and a half getting kids ready and out the door for school.

9:25 a.m. Walked Loki. Cleaned up Loki poo.

9:30-11:30 a.m. Worked on freelance editing project.

11:30 a.m.-12:15 p.m. Took Loki for a long walk in the pouring rain. Cleaned up more Loki poo.

12:30 p.m. Finally took first shower of the day.

12:45 p.m. Walked Loki. So disappointed–no Loki poo this time.

1:00-3:30 p.m. Completed final polish of manuscript; submitted (per request–keep your fingers crossed) to small independent publisher for review.

3:35 p.m. Realized it was time to go pick kids up from school; had to leave w/out walking Loki.

4:10 p.m. Returned home to walk Loki; cleaned up more Loki poo.

4:45 p.m. Dropped kids off at Religious Education class.

4:45-5:45 p.m. Sat in car working on university application essays, round two.

6:00 p.m. Returned home with kids; walked Loki; cleaned up more Loki poo.

Am currently updating blog, cooking dinner, checking kids’  backpacks for homework to do after dinner, folding laundry, and filling dishwasher.

And people wonder why I haven’t gotten published yet?

Three words: Too much poo.

Loki comes home…

I turned 40 on Friday. It was a day I’d been dreading for weeks. October and her lovely companion Autumn have always been my favorite time of the year. But ever since my 27th birthday thirteen years ago, when my mother passed away a week after my birthday, October has always brought with it a wellspring of bittersweet memories. My birthday and the loss of my mother are inextricably and permanently bound together; I cannot anticipate one without continuing to mourn the other.

As the big day approaches each year, I mentally cross off “lasts” that I remember from that final birthday celebrated with her: the last gift she gave to me; the last birthday card she sent to me, which I have saved and faithfully reread each year; the last pictures taken with her; the last time I saw her, at my birthday celebration; the last phone call from her, the morning of my birthday. Each year, the memories grow fainter, and each year I feel a bit more panic as I watch them receding.

Perhaps because this year was a “milestone” birthday, I was feeling it even more keenly. I was also feeling a bit of panic at not having accomplished so many of the things I wanted to before the “Big 4-0” arrived.  And I always feel so much the pressure, self-imposed I suppose, of giving every appearance of being happy on my birthday, so each year is an exercise in small deceptions on my part.

This year was set to be no exception, until…

My husband, that sweet and loving man, made the grandest gesture possible to try to make this birthday a special one: he surprised me with a puppy. Ahh, that explains why she hasn’t been writing for a while…

Yes, a puppy. Don’t mistake the situation: our children and I desperately wanted a dog. I had, in fact, told my husband that I either wanted a dog or a housekeeper for my birthday. After years of adamant refusals from him on the dog question, I felt pretty safe that Merry Maids would be showing up on my doorstep Friday afternoon.

And yet, incredibly, there she was, peering up at me from the floor: a shimmering, sleek, shining, silver Weimaraner. At four months old, she was already tall, but as I sank to the floor, she threw herself into my arms and snuggled her warm muzzle into my neck: I was undone. It was, as my husband had planned, the best birthday I’d had in years.

Day 6 now, is another matter…

Things I had forgotten about having a puppy:

  • They always smell like puppies, no matter what shampoo you use on them, and now your house does, too. Sometimes this is a good smell, and sometimes it’s just a smell–it really depends on the day’s weather.
  • If it’s not nailed down, puppies will snatch it and run. If it is nailed down, puppies will wait until your back is turned and chew it to bits.
  • If it’s a particularly dangerous item to chew, such as a novelty pin, electric cord, safety razor, or pocket knife, it will become your puppy’s new magnificent obsession.
  • If your puppy has not yet figured out a way to escape from its crate, that only means it is still plotting.
  • Puppies are expensive: food, treats, toys, vet visits, shots, collars, leashes, crates, bigger crates, escape-proof crates, rawhide chews, food and water dishes, air freshener, carpet cleaner–and that’s just the first week.
  • Puppies are blessed by their Creator with the uncanny ability to accurately predict the very spot on the floor where you plan to step next and materialize themselves there from three rooms away.
  • A puppy riding in a shopping cart is a funny thing. So is a puppy trying to navigate the stairs for the first time.
  • Puppies demand sacrifice: sacrifice of sleep, sacrifice of time, sacrifice of privacy, and sacrifice of furniture.

But lest you think I’m just a crabby 40-year-old ungratefully complaining about the best birthday present ever (oh, let’s face it, I am), here are some rather more pleasant memories being rekindled for me, along with the other less fragrant and more destructive ones:

  • Snuggling up next to a warm, sleepy puppy is a cure for any blues.
  • Nothing makes kids giggle like a wet puppy tongue on the cheek. 
  • You meet many more neighbors on the street when you’re walking a puppy than you do when you’re running alone.  
  • The stars over your front lawn are particularly beautiful at 1:00 in the morning (and 3:00, 4:45, and 5:50, too).

These are the things I’ve been remembering for the last 6 days; they’re the things that have been keeping me pretty busy, even to the point of keeping me from writing. But as I’m writing this, I’m glancing down occasionally to the floor at my feet, where the new god(dess) of our household, Loki the Norse Dog of Mischief (not a typo; “Dog” is just “God” spelled backwards) is slumbering away. She snores occasionally, whimpers or trots in her dreams, and from time to time, gazes up at me with her beautiful, trusting eyes, and I remember the last thing I’d forgotten about having a puppy: I’m a sucker for those puppy dog eyes every time. And my mother, that original lover of all things puppy, would certainly approve.

GRE Torture, Pt. 2

I have just returned home from taking the GRE and I am in a fine mood. There were no surprises, on the test or on my score. Although I did discover an interesting little tidbit of GRE trivia: Did you know that if you score low enough on the Quantitative section that ETS starts a running laugh track in your headphones as they post it?

No. Not really. But they really should.

And even if it were true, I couldn’t tell you anyway, because they make you promise not to share any of the questions with anyone in any format. So I shouldn’t share with you these wonderful problems with which I worked while taking the test today:

Problem 1.)

Choose A. if column A is greater;  Choose B. if column B is greater; Choose C. if the two equations are equal; Choose D. if more information is needed; Choose E. if you could care less.                    

d=difficulty level of questions   a=accuracy

Column A.                                                                           Column B.

5d(Julia’s Quantitative score) + –a = 1/2                               2

average test score of a                        

Rhesus monkey on a bad day

Problem 2.) Solve this equation:

2x + y(Julia’s Quantitative score) + -3/5(probability of Julia becoming an astrophysicist) = ≤_______∞ when y=a circle with r12.

Okay, since I can see you’re clearly not a Math person, I’ll give you a hint on that second one: for any equation which involves the probability of Julia becoming an astrophysicist, the answer is always zero. I can’t believe you allowed yourself to be tricked by that one! It was so obvious!

Garrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! For those of you out there looking at my sample problems and thinking “That’s just gibberish”, welcome to the Wonderful World of Quantitative GRE Problems with your hostess, Julia Tagliere. That whole section was a foreign language to me. Actually, since I have a background teaching foreign languages, I can’t say that, because those come rather easily to me. I guess I have to come up with an expression that would fit better with my abilities. Let’s see…That whole section was like…Math to me!Yes, I think that’ll do nicely.

Actually, in all honesty, the test-taking itself was not as bad as I had feared. I only asked for one thing in my pre-test prayer, and that was “Please, God, don’t let me run out of the test crying halfway through because I can’t take it anymore.” There–you see? Total proof that God listens.

I felt pretty good the whole time I was taking the test, though I have to admit, as I approached the midpoint–ack! No more geometry terms!–the halfway mark of the test, I noticed that the questions were getting easier, which concerned me a little bit. It wasn’t that I feared I was making mistakes (heck, that was a given, after all); it was that in my GRE for Dummies book, it said that the test calibrates itself according to how you do on the first ten questions. If you do well on the first ten, you get harder questions later; if you do poorly on the first ten, the questions are adjusted to make them easier. So when I saw that Question 14 read “Robert has 5 eggs; Marcus has 4. x= 5 + 4.  Solve for x” I knew I was in trouble. Sure, the questions were getting easier, but I also knew that easier questions weren’t going to increase my score any. (That much Math I could figure out on my own; I’m not a total imbecile.)

S0–I came, I tested, I threw up. I’ve submitted my scores to just one university (there’s no way that my Quantitative scores would ever improve, no matter how often I would take the test, so I’m not bothering). That didn’t make the computer very happy; it obviously thought I shouldn’t place all my eggs in one basket. But by that point in the day, I didn’t think I could do enough Math to divide the eggs equally into any additional baskets anyway.

Hope the U will ignore my Quantitative scores; after all, I’m not looking to become an astrophysicist, right? And astronauts everywhere are eternally grateful for that…